My heart is not

my heart sinks

like an anchor into the deep

the weight of remembrance

does quite sting

id rather be stung by a jellyfish

a thousand times

to know that would heal

faster than the hands of time

id long to have sand thrown into my eyes

than to have heard the whisper of many lies

i would rather have been struck with lightning

than to feel my heart torn in two

i feel as if my cheek was scraped on the concrete

while you drove away

on a high speed chase

globby like glue

boy do i feel like a big fool

to think your words of Christ

were real and true

prove me wrong if i am

dont be silent like a clam

is there a pearl in there or

isnt there

perhaps its the illusion of false hope

burn me alive

id rather suffer a million burns than to have

felt my heart yearn

my heart turns

twisted tornado

i wont allow you to steal

my joy

my heart is very real

its not a toy-ar

We thank You Jesus

somberness
in deep solitude
my rock i deeply hold onto
crazyness
set abliss
amidst
this
do i dare to enable feelings
of rejection to sting
a catastrophe
i think not
a melody
i dare ought
in a zoo
smelly animals
concrete jungle
grooves dance
monkeys
dance
free admission today
will you go another way
sweet solitude
Jesus You
are my promise
my rainbow
brilliant prisms
i am not in this chasm
the schism
the rhythms of
life
jadore
mi amor
sweet benevolence
you turned the tide
once more
once
again
there is more
if you dig
deep enough
you will
uncover the starfish
that were hidden from
this morning
from the sun
sandy shores
we leap galore
and thank
our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ!-ar

Make me know

pain


o how the pain hurts


of the sting of rejection


my soul aches


perceived perceptions?


maybe


who knows


pain is like having your heart cut out


while you are still alive


staring right into its eyes


when it feels like a train hit you


and you cannot even dare to walk


when pain is a dull thrash to the mind


where even my brain hurts


is that even possible?


you gave me neurons to feel


you have me emotions to feel


yet why do they have to be so stinking real?


feelings can sing


mine are yelling out quite loud


i want to drown them out


tell them to be quiet even just for a moment


so that i can breathe


so that i can hurdle over the hurdles


in my competition


showmanship


worked so hard for me


to just feel like i am falling


i hit my knees


on one of them


and yelled a loud yelp


for You to come and help


the crowd gasps as You come running


for only You know me


and what it is i need


when i want to blanket my world


and shield myself from him


i think o it was the world that i wanted


but i cant have the trophy right now


ill have to suffer a loss


only to know that i think i will gain


and that i will face the world again


when all of your dreams have been shattered


and you cant see quite straight


its Your loving touch that seems to come running by


when it seems like the windshield on my car


has been dashed to pieces


i think o the sting of pain


is an awful place


how can someone you like


cause you so much pain?--ar

Do what You have to do

I cry out to You

on top of the mountain of brokenness

strongest of the strong

so I thought I was

and in my weakness

You can show yourself strong

where the rain splatters

and hits my face

the tears fall

my head is drenched in your rain

of reality

it hurts

I feel as if my body is broken

into a million pieces

when my heart weighs heavy

I can barely lift my legs

to eat

feed me

Lord

with a spoon

its You I turn to

in desperation

let me get so desperate for You

for You are all i need

when the world tries to tell me

otherwise

I think yea right

here it comes calling again

I dont need you

o man

for You are not as mighty

as my God

He is stronger than the finest armies

all around

He is far clever than the brain

who outthinks me

He is far wiser than a thousand

chinese proverbs

Who else can breathe

and make a mountain tremble?

Who else can fashion the world

to look like You wanted it to?

who can change a heart of stone

into a heart of flesh?

Try as I might

I cannot

be stronger than You Lord

ever

I am so weak

yet You are so strong

hold me now

carry me through this trial

I wont budge

I wont lift a finger

do what You have to do and do it now--ar

My only embrace

stripped of all of my defenses
theres nothing here
look at me
im open to You
You see me
in my worst and at my best
You see it all
Lord
i am the clay and You are the potter
You are molding me
let me collapse in Your sweet arms
Even though ive hurt You
even though Ive listened to others
instead of You
i long to just be real and true before You
theres nothing I can say in my defense
How could i even argue with You?
i dont even have a chance
on You who reigns
Even though I can be mad at You
i trust that You will bring me through
The only way out
is through the red sea
where I can run and my enemies
cannot find me
Everyday is filled with Your lessons
I long to be faithful and not detest them
Make me firm as a rock
Stronger even now
when i feel like hiding in my shell
You come and pull me out
saying dont stop now
when i curl up and theres
nothing anyone can say
its just Your spirit and sweet touch
which can lift me up
why does it have to be this way
break me
im broken
how much more broken can i get
as You lead me?
the path of brokenness which leads me to You
fill my days with grace
for that is my only embrace--ar

Express

i tear the paper in two

i gasp for this reality to be broken into

to see the world shaken

shake my world Lord

shake me until nothing remains but just

love for You

i dare to rip this reality into two

i yearn to let my spirit

express a new kind of love

for You

i yearn to dance in the air and

do spiritual gymnastics for You

i yearn for my pen to dance

with the words that i have for You

i yearn for the voice i sing

to jump on the ground

in an embrace of Your presence

in the heavenlies

i want the notes of the music to become vivid

visuals dancing before Your very eyes

I want my words of Praise

to inhabit me

and those around me

I want the room to be filled with the

fragrance of the Lord

touching the hearts till they

dont know what hit them Lord

i want the yearning in my heart for You

to jump out and dance around

i want to break out of this body into the Spirit

im held back by this eartly vessel

let me paint a million pictures

when pieced together show Your lovely heart

filled with love

i want to capture a thousand photographs

to show Your beauty

I want to set a bonfire and let it blaze with

love

a fire which never goes out

which never

goes out--ar

Nothing compares to You

the world would try to paint a

picture of the american dream

get married have kids

why dont you

have a career graduate from college

yea sure

nice things

nice house

nice kitchen

maybe a few dogs

maybe a few intimate moments

i scratch the paper on which is that written

and say ive found the greatest treasure

i could have in this life

no date

no man of God

can compare or ever dare to steal

me away from You sweet Lord

for You are all i am living for

no man of God

even comes close enough to the beauty of You

You hold me in Your lap Lord

and look into my smiling face

with loving eyes

You accept me for all that I am

sillyness and all

o dear God

my heart chokes with the tears of knowing that I am

deeply loved by You

the veil has been torn in two

and theres nothing which can keep

me from running after You

You are my peace

my sanctuary

make my heart Your home

make my face Your aim

and desire Lord

sweet Lord

You will never hurt me i

am yearning for more sweet Lord--ar

Following You

broken into pieces before You
i grab the air
and say let me touch You!
i move my hands in an embrace and say let me
feel You!
i want to feel Your hair and touch Your
face
I want to love you and hold onto Your feet
You are all I need
and when mypain tries to numb me
i push it away and draw closer to You
i grab onto Your robe
if I can have just one touch
Just one touch
I know that I will be healed
Your faith has made you well
and i gasp because
You dared to look me in the eyes
in the busy crowd
Not too busy for me ever
Lord
I ask You to wreck me
here i am
a mess
on the floor
hitting the ground in desperation for more
i hold my cup before
You
a challenge to fill it
and I say let it overflow
I could waste my voice singing to You
i could waste away my strength in worship of You
i could die
just worshipping You
and giving to You
to join the angels in heaven with You
i dont want to live if I cant be in Your presence
if the gift of Your love doesnt grace my head
i am living only for You Jesus
and thats all I want in this life
many cannot comprehend
many are called but few are chosen
ive decided that this is my place
this is my spot in life
to bring You the gift of worship
gold, francincesne and myrrh
You are everything to me dear Lord
take my heart
take the tears which worship You
and bring me into Your presence
let love be my greatest friend
let us walk together
closely following after You--ar

chasing after You

im chasing after You

though it cost me all i have

Im chasing after You

though i leave many behind

I chase after You

You are my greatest treasure

which I have sold all I have for You

I sold everything for one taste of You

I sold everything and left it all behind

Ive brought you my most expensive perfume

Ive left behind those who claim they are seeking

after You

ive left it all behind

my vision is on You

ive left it all behind

theres nothing which can keep me from You

theres nothing which can hold me back

from being with You

theres no man

no thing

nothing of worldly value which can steal me away

from You

You know all things

Lord You know that I deeply am in love with You

penetrate through my icy defenses

and melt me away like butter

in Your presence

till I am swimmin in Your presence

carried away by the waves of Your presence

Im thristy for You

I am desperate for You

i pound and hit the ground

telling You to come and fill me

i throw everything else all away

all for one glance of Your eyes

I stand right in front of You

daring You to come closer to me

overtake me

terrify me please--ar

they have no clue

i come before You in repentance

I am sorry if I made anything

else my world for

even just a minute

O Fairest Friend

I know You would never get tired

of dancing with me

I know that it was me You looked

in the eyes and said Come and Follow Me

i said why Yes

You are everything to me

and in Your presence only do I long to be

no where else Lord

To sit and let the ravens come and feed me

to have Your Holy Spirit all over me

To listen for Your voice

so sweet and divine

To feel Your embrace so loving

and kind

You are jealous for me

and that my soul knows quite well

a man could never take Your place Lord

He will just have to settle

for a moment of grace that would have to be

authorized by You

O Heavenly daddy

The One i can turn to

You stand before me

and any man

only have mercy on him

and let him have a glimpse

of You and me

sitting in treasures in eternity

pretty please?

they have no clue

How close exactly I am to You-ar

Secret place

wash me wash me

wash me away

i want to be caught up in the

wonders of Your grace

i want to get washed

by the pounding of the

waves

lost in Your presence

my soul You do not despise

My soul You hold

dearly in Your hands

Thank you Lord

for being stronger than any man

take my grief and

give me strength to dance

i dance with the angels

and I sit here

waiting for You to lift up my head

the voice of man

who doesnt see or hear

You

im sorry dear

was that the Lord who spoke

to You?

why yes it was, raise Your voice

Lord

take me into the secret place where I have come to truly know You--ar

Lover of my soul

and i find You again and again
when I search my heart
a light lives in it
so bright it shines
it sings
it reminds me of You
i sit hand in hand with You
My face and Yours
are hearts are intertwined
I sit in a boat with You
in the middle of nowhere
in secret solitude
I am Yours
and You are mine
You listen
You hear
You are compassionate
and kind
Under the moonlight
the sounds of nature
are Our song
If You could shoot a million
comets in one night
I know Youd send them for me
right now
If I could gaze at the starry nights
while leaning on Your chest
I know that my thoughts You would know
before I even opened my mouth
Youre so close
Right here
a faithful Friend
in a time of trouble
Deliver me from my distresses
I long for Your taste and the peace
that You bring
entrench me in Your fragrance
I want to drip with myrrh
I want to leave with the fragrance
of frankincense so strong
like never before
I kneel at Your throne
Your hand touches my head
and You pull me closer
than ever before
Your desire is for me
and my desire is for You
thank you so much Lord
for giving me the world
just knowing You is enough
I cant take it anymore
its overwhelming
overwhelm me with love
and Your power
Give me the fruit that tastes so sweet
I am running after You
my wedding day where You crown my head
i cast my crown before You
and say to You be the glory Lord
i am poor and needy
come and rescue me quickly
only You have come to save me
Only You have come to pull me out
drown out the lies of the enemy
who tries to rob, kill, and destroy
and lead me through the sweet
pastures of Your hearts delight
You delight in the path that
You have set out before me
You know I can do it
for in You i can do all things
now and forevermore
let us run together
the voice of the bridegroom i hear
and He rejoices over me
now and forever until eternity
love which never fails
You are the greatest love story
that I have ever known
take me Lord
with You
into the secret place
I yearn for more
I am hungry for You
thirtsty for You
satisfy me
with the treasures of Your voice
and Your thoughts and Your dreams
take me over rivers
let me the see the heads of wheat gleen
with light
they are heavy
im ready to pick them
the harvest is ready
the fruit is ripe
let us gather together
and with the angels I will delight
in You o Soverign Lord
for You are better to me than
ever before
it just gets better and better with You
sweet Lord
I anticpate Your will
and Your moves in my life
i willingly offer my heart to You in great
sacrifice
love of my soul
tell me where You rest today?
because wherever You are
thats where I want to be
in a neverending
love story--ar

At Your table

a love so precious and true
my life is worth more to You
than a thousand sparrows
let me be found faithful
lead me up the mountain of myrrh
where You are
I want to be where You are
wherever that is
Heaven calls me
and sings a song that I just cant
drown out with the burdens of my life
O Lord
You said Your yoke is easy
and Your burden is light
I am yoked to You
Sweetest Lord
Your fragrance is a smell
so sweet and fills my heart with great
delight
I sit at Your table
You prepare a feast before
the faces of all of my enemies
Who is an enemy of God
let me despise what You do
Let me love what You do
Let me love like You do
when people
drift in and out of my life
You stand strong
steadfast
with Your love
which never ends--at

Say no to pain

its target place

i think of a baby and how a baby's cries

are fine tuned

to a mothers heart

where her tears spark

a concern in moms mind how strange is your beauty

when love sings to me

a voice

that is a million colors

where i slide on rainbows

which are over heavens floors

when the voice

of my infatuation drowns out the real thing

i think of how a stork flies

so strong and direct

with an aim that can never miss

to help her

oceans waves spread out

for miles

Your presence is the wind

that blows them to and fro

and I think of my free time

and how Youve called me to live a life of

sacrifice

is enough enough

is too much too much

i think of how the enemy is ensnaring

Your children

to do who knows what

and to go who knows where

and I am confident in the woman

that You have made me

i am not ready for something bigger than me

something i cant comprehend

its a mystery

give me strength

to take care of me

give me strength to see what You want me to see

Give me strength to learn what You want me to learn

Let me not be a liar

to those around me

Give me a true tongue

Guard my tongue from telling lies

give me light for darkness

which tries to steal away from me

the beauty of my days

when joy is a friend and pain

has got to leave

i say no to you pain

God is bigger than You

God does wonders

and that I know I truly am--ar

Refine me

my heart clenches with
a chaos
that sings of the sting
of sin in its trenches
ive fallen to the ground
and my face I lay down
to the ground
Lord i clasp onto Your feet
when love seems like a rollercoaster
emotional benders
swerving around every corner
I know that I am precious in Your sight
I know that You are the inspiration of my
life
My Divine inspiration
which sings to me
the songs
of better days
My heart and flesh cry out for You
as I am inspired by the beauty
of Your creation
of gazing into the most
Purest of all Eyes
Eyes mankind can never replicate
no love can ever duplicate
the place that You have in my heart
You sit enthroned
in my heart
and Know all of my fears
and every ounce of pain
that I have ever felt
I know that as I lay my heart
into Your hands
no one can divide that divine love
love that will never end
Blow on my garden
and lift me up
You are the lifter of my head
and my face you are holding
in Your hands
I lay before You
vulnerable
giving You permission to take me
and mold me
Be gentle Lord
You are faithful, gentle, and caring
You are everything
to me
Give me gold that
I can buy from you
Gold burned in the fire
The fire, o refining fire
refine me--ar

Swiftness of speed

when i feel like my love for you is

conditional

i think of the hypocrite in me

let me not seek your hand

nor your blessings

but to just be true in the purest of ways

when u say i am not giving that to you

right now

let me not turn my face away

let me not do so

Lord I feel so empty

like an empty bucket right now

trying to fill it

with everything but you

let my love be unconditional

let me not think that I know

whats best for me

its none of my business

why you do the things you do

let me be faithful and true

when Jesus was on the cross

he cried out Father

why have you forsaken me

to feel pain so deep

to cry out to the Holiest of holies

to enter hell

and then return back from the grave

the greatest debt has ever been paid

you've given me salvation

may i rejoice in that simple fact

simple yet profound

the greatest thing that you could ever do

in this world of pleasure

and instant gratification its so

easy to say give me more Lord give me more

give me Doves eyes

may i just look to the hills

from where my help comes from

relieve me of depravity

right here right now

why lie any longer

ive got to trust you

and what does that even mean?

tell me You who know all things

if this will crush or break me

make me not want it anymore

grant me mercy

dont let me repeat what I have done before

its not that big of a deal

as i may make it seem to be

its probably funny to you

but its serious to me

ahah i see you

in the midst of it

teaching me your lessons

sure if it means i get to be

by your side right next to the throne

in the throneroom

the best place to be

then yes

take me higher

i love seeing my room

power and authority are mine

i will rise higher

above all of this nonsense

grant me grace

and give me swiftness of speed

to run after you for more--ar

You and I are face to face

You who sits between the cherubim
i come before you as Esther
asking you extend Your scepter
i wont be scant
i wont run away
I will boldly come to the throne
of grace
i kneel before you
with my requests
only my life
Im leaving on the line
O King of kings
have mercy on me
i am poor and needy
naked and blind
wrteched and poor
without You theres is nothing
left of me Lord
Dont pass me by
while i sit on the sidelines
i am calling to You
come closer to me
terrify me
with Your mighty presence
in the silence You speak
Maker of heaven
yet my greatest friend
Let me not ever call you my friend
if I cant walk shoulder to shoulder with you
children are calling out
break my heart with the things
that break Yours
until I cant stand it anymore
and I cant take it
and I want to be in the place of rest
You are gentle, perfect, and kind
and on You i lean on in perfect trust
knowing that You know best
My heavenly Father
let me give thanks
instead of falling on my face
there are no tears
only steadfast love
which is that, that I am longing for
for Just one glance of Your eyes
I faint with love
in that perfect place
where You and I are face to face
dance with me
o lover of my soul----Ar

Give me purity

im a liar a cheat and a thief
when i say purge me
tears come to my eyes
because all I desire is purity
Purity in the most purest of ways
make me like you Jesus
humblest of them all
o Fairest one of them all
take my stubborn ways
and conform them to your ways
when i fight for the light
to not dissipate
why sing a song when im not willing
to follow through and follow you
as i fall on the rock
I am broken to pieces
only you
only You know where each one belongs
each one has a place
in this walk
When You hover over me
overshadow me
make me surrender
make me willing
to live a life of sacrifice
so that I can flourish and bloom
take away my many nights
and let me crave the brightest of
days
yield my tongue
keep me from false vows
from falsivity
in the deepest place
my heart
i yearn to be yielded to You
the fire burns
sets me aflame
give me purity
give me purity Lord
i plead--ar

I am the persistent widow

purge me of any lying way within me
make me true
make me worship you in spirit and in truth
make me a faithful witness
burn me
till theres nothing left of me
a holy fire
which removes anything that isnt of you
God
the Father I question because I can
and the answers you reveal to me
are just because you can
i cant make you move your hand
i plead i knock
i tell you open up
im the widow
persistent
i wont give up--ar

I follow closely by

and it can feel so scary
as my seed falls into the ground to die
but the purity of the saints
motivate me
to sit and wait ever so patiently
for You
You are my one true love
the One my heart is yearning
for
the One my heart is longing for
Purity is of the greatest value to you
and the sacrifice of a
celibate life You never chastise
To be married to Jesus
is to me the best of it all
To sit and lsiten to my Lord
to hear what His heart is breaking for
To taste the tears
and to feel the pain
the yearning for mankind
and His bride
to be concerned with His ways
and thoughts and plans
Teach me your ways
and when I am stubborn as a mule
Give me Your grace
When my heart says no not now
Let my desires disintegrate
for when the wheat falls
theres no one there
to contemplate
with
Its a lonely place
when a bud springs forth
and theres no one to take notice
But You see it Lord
You know it all
Your will is soverign
and Your ways are just and true
Every step that I take leads me closer to you
Use my life as a sacrifice
Living only to die
make me know that
Your hand is upon me
and that I am the apple of Your eye
with great love
i follow closely by--ar

Until You and I are one

when your heart aches
and no ones words around you
seem to ease the pain
i turn to my Lord and Saviour
Yahweh
He is mighty to save
when my eyes grow weary
staring at the starlights
all around
your promises I remember
and ask for you to not tarry
much longer
when i dont want to sit and listen
to a sweet serenade
my days seem to grow darker
as im in lost in perplexing
speed lightning
comets shooting
around in Your ever expanding galaxy
and i am amazed
because the song of songs
does not have to end
for Your love is unfailing
and in my life
the story is written
it will never end
You mystify me
drop Your drops of rain
on my head
I'll let them fall
to the ground
slip down my face
and as they mix with my tears
i look forward to a new year
I know your Kingdom coming
to earth is very near
I feel it in my heart
Blessed are the meek
for they shall inhereit the earth
Blessed are the pure for
they shall see God
and I see you
I stared at my face the other day
and saw the face of Jesus
You were peering into it
my soul laughs
You are becoming closer to me
than any other
Burn me with your love
until You and I are one--ar

Fierce competition

fierce competition

not so free after all

no more slips and falls

i love this place

and the sweet aroma of

chinese food i embrace

yum

like it

wont u have a taste?

sui mai

shrimp sui mai

lotus leaves

and hot blackened tea

the drops of the water falls

to the ground

your hair tightly rolled into a bun

and your slanted eyes

make me smile with joy

your little bickering

and your pregnant wife

your cell phone which i thought was plastered

onto your ears

and your basset hound face that

drooped so low

i thought you would kiss the ground

with that endearing frown

mr phung

take my order wont you

and try to spin around on

one foot

will ya

give me a twirl

i think you are fun

when you let me know you were a catholic

i was deeply stunned

but thats okay

more egg drop noodle soup for me

in fact i have guests so make that three

Father, son and spirit

Holy trinity--ar

Still searching for You

its giving over what doesnt belong to me

when God has brought me to full maturity

my stature is secure in Him

my faith I dearly entrust to Him

He holds me heart

no man can break that

God has set Himself as a seal upon my

heart and has done an excellent

job at holding it so near

to His

He has not allowed

fear or pain

to rob me away

and His grace

do i truly make my home

what once was lost

and has been found

and I never

have to go down that same road again

Hes brought me to a new place

im excited

we run and meet in an embrace

i am ecstatic to see His beautiful face

no one can quite compare

He is the author of my Life

and how awesome is that

i lean on His chest

can you ever beat a moment

like that

no never

Hes ravished my heart

and I have ravished His

i belong to my beloved

and He belongs to me

no one can take Him away from me

although they may try He will never

leave

theres nothing i can do to make Him go away

I search for His presence each and everyday

I find Him again and again

take me now Lord

let me follow after You

again and again

i still am searching for You--ar

Yearning for You

so here i sit
waiting on the Lord
whom I worship
with the love that He bestowed
on me
and my face
my cold heart
warmed by His fiery love
set me aflame dear God
your peace is what I long for
and i know that the pleasant
scent of your beauty
lifts me from the pains of weariness
as I long for a touch from You
and i dance in open fields twirling
this way and that
i get lost in Your greatness
and its the smile on Your face
which calls me to live in love
while darkness tries to coerce me
and make me fall
but i stand strong because I know
you have deeply called me
and wont let me fall
my heart is in your hands
and i question my newfound
love for You
i yearn to be alone
and only with You--ar